Lending money, borrowing money
One common thing I see from a lot of homeless people is that friends and relatives stop lending them money. I thought I'd tell of a few experiences of lending money that I have had.
One time when I was working doing a low paid admin job a co-worker asked to borrow some money. I explained that I could only lend it to them till the week after, and that I needed it to pay for my rent. They said yeah, no problems they just needed it to tide them over and they would pay me back next week.
The next week I heard that co-worker had left, and moved to another state. She delibretly took advantage of me, because she knew I had a trusting nature. I had to scrimp to pay the rent and it was a fair whack of my income gone.
Some years later my brother asked me to lend him $50, which was again when I was on a low income. I was a uni student at the time. This time I had enough to lend him without risking rent money. He said he'd pay me back next week and he had a job at the time so I figured he was a safe bet. He took over six months to pay me back, avoiding me all the time and basically treating me like crap. During that time I myself had hard times making ends meet. He finally paid me back the day before Australia introduced a GST, so my money was worth 10% less.
My mum also used to borrow money off of me, and we're talking tousands of dollars here, with no intention of ever paying it back. Though with her, I kind of figured whe wouldn't and I was working at the time.
Now in contrast I had a mate borrow money off of me, just $20 to tide him over because he was paid monthly. He paid on time, and with no fuss. He was honest, open and nice about it. I've lent him money a few times and never had problems getting it back even when I said I was okay with him taking his time. He'd go out of his way to pay it back as soon as possible.
Just over Chrristmas I had another person borrow some money off of me. He asked for just $2, but I asked if he needed more because he was off of work over Christmas and I figured he was broke. He said he'd think about it, then after a while said yes, because he had no fuel in his car to go to work after Christmas. He went out of his way a few days later to track me down and pay me back, and he gave me an extra $2 despite me insisting it was okay. Like me, he obviously does noty like owing people money, and understands the concept of paying back with interest to take into account the generosity of lending it in the first place.
Lastly I have a mate that I once paid his rent at a youth hostel when he was homeless, explaining it was a loan and I'd want it paid back when he had a job. He never did pay it all back, taking his time. But in fairness I should have asked for it back earlier. He also took to avoiding me, not answering his phone calls and not getting back to me. This was a guiy who I had helped move twice, who I haddriven around to job interviews and his work to get work and then attend it when he started. This was when I was myself unemployed.
When he did get work I strongly advised him to save a buffer of money in case he lost his job, and encouraged him to get a driver's licence. Anyway, he ended up quitting his job and very nearly became homeless again. I ended up lending him money and buying him food because he would have starved otherwise. This time it wasn't much money.
Again, he's taking his sweet time paying me back.
So, what sort of a borrower are you? Do you honestly tell people up front that it may take a long time to pay back money when you know it will, or do you say next week when you know it will take longer? Do you try pay back money as soon as you can? Do you look after your own interests first and pay it back at your leaisure? Do you avoid people you owe money to, or still treat them as normal? Do you just pay the money back, or do you reward people for being generous?
I ask all these questions, because people form opinions about lending money. I for example avoid being a lender because of past bad experiences. So I will only lend money to close friends, and only if I think they have the ability to pay it back or if they are in dire need. I never over commit myself any more. If I can't afford to lend, then I will be honest and say I can't. I also won't lend to people I consider to be bad debts. I have no worries lending money to some one who is honest and says it will take ages to pay it back, because I know they will, and they'll continue to treat me like a friend in the mein time. But people who don't p[ay back, or treat me like crap, they get knocked off the friends list all together.
My two mates who paid me back pronto, I'd lend to them with no worries in an instant. My mate who didn't fully pay me back, who argued over the amount to pay back, and who does not seem to think of things from my point of view, well, to be honest, I'll not even lend money to him again if he's starving. It sounds nasty, but it's fact. I'll refer him to services to help him, but I won't lend to him again.
It vcomes down to, if I have a posative lending experience with some one, then I'm happy to lend again. If I have a negative one, well..... Myself, I always endevor to give anyone I lend off of (and that's just been 2 people) a posative experience, paying them back as soon as I can, and doing it with interest. They know they can count on me if I ask to borrow from them again.
So, if you lend money from people, and do make it a negative experience for them, even if it is relatives, don't be surprised if they are reluctant to lend again.
My tips:
Be very honest and up front about when you can pay some one back. If you honestly do not know when, say so. Because others may be budgeting on having that money themselves.
Only borrow the minumim you need.
Pay them back as soon as you can, even if it is before when you said you would.
Give them a little extra. Be that a little extra money, or a thank you card, or helping them out. Make it a posative experience they will want to repeat.
Do something special for them anyway if you can, not just when you pay them back. To have a friend, you need to be a friend.
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Ripping off & out
Originally Posted by caliban
