Dead beat parents and ethics

[RomanaS]

I have always had a very strong sense of ethics. It has been very black and white on many things, like stealing. Stealing is wrong, I have always thought. But a number of situations have made me question this. The thread about a homeless person stealing food to live has me thinking that no, if you are faced with stealing and starving, then yeah, you have to steal to survive.

This thread http://www.homelessforums.org/showthread.php?t=8407 about a child being thrown out of home by a parent who won't live up to their responsabilities has gotten me thinking. If the parent won't look after their kid, and is throwing them out with insufficent skills and resources to survive, does the kid have the right to steal from the parent to survive?

I mean, thowing a kid out on the street who has just $100 and isn't equipped with the life skills they need to have a start in life is pretty much dooming the kid to a life of homelessness, crime, assault, absuse, rape or worse.

So, should the child be able to take reasonable things from the parent to help give them a start? Like take the TV and pawn it for start money? Take camping gear? Or even the car?

Or, is it a case of forcing children to fend for themselves? I mean in the older days kids aged 13 were working in mines. They were out tending heards. In developing countries teenagers work for a living. Do they have it too cushy?

I'm not sure either way. I am wondering what others think. Personally I think that parents need to take responsability for that moment of enjoyment having sex, and the concequences that come with that.

[burninginwards]

there's two sides to every story, in any case. sometimes it's more a matter of two people with different perceptions who can't ever seem to get what they expect of each other in line, sometimes there's an actual imbalance.

when i was growing up i got hit pretty frequently, and it was in a time and place where it wasn't allowed, but i didn't say anything because i'd seen kids that were in the system and they were miserable. the one thing my parents instilled in me, though, was that if i wasn't in school i had to be working. i didn't know why, i just knew i had to do it, and that got me by until i couldn't work anymore.

if a parent doesn't give their child that desire to do for themselves, they're going to be completely lost once they get of age. hell, i'm in my 30's and it's tough for me to be sure what i'm doing is the right thing. but i've known so many parents that were down and out like that, who were "doing the best they could" to get through their own problems. with a parent like that, it's hard to blame them for not being a good parent. but at the same time, by ignoring that responsibility, they are raising their kids to lead potentially fractured lives.

as a parent, i feel a lot of personal guilt from worrying about that last part.

[Alley cat]

Parent need to take responsibility but if the parent has never been guided in life skills and ethics to pass onto the child where did the breakdown of the family environment come from . I understand the desperation that can occur when you are starving but if a child steals from a parent or anyone what life skills is that teaching them . Where would the bounderys begin and end if the child has never been guided in the first place . Would they have bounderys . Society creates these ethics but does society create the tools to live within its bounderys. If someone steals a loaf of bread when they have no other means to feed themselve and it outways the consequences of the actions to survive starvation i would not criticise them . But i would not steal as that is my choice . The ones that have the power and means to create ethics within society is a transference of their own moral views . If societys ethics where ethical in the first place why do people go hungry .

[RomanaS]

Ahh yeah, I can understand a parent who is down on their luck but still ding their best to raise their kids. That's a good thing. But parents who just give in to beer or drugs and then treat their kid like crap, that's the sort of parent I refer to as being a deadbeat.

[tkolter]

The fact is a child can be a complete a-hole, I wasn't the best teen very opinionated and rebellious, is the responsibility of the parent(s) until they turn eighteen. If a teenager is a handful that is not a good reason to abandon them of love and support. I'm sure my father and mother found me a big handful but I'm now an opinionated, stubborn adult who also won't accept the system as it is. But I'm now closer to my father than ever.

I just think parents that do this are breaking the law and not being parents, unless the child is dangerous then its a law enforcement matter.

Might I also note if a child is mentally ill or disabled is it then okay to abandon them, what if they are gay or of another religion or no religion some reasons for abandonment seem cruel some use.

[Alley cat]

Ok this may sound harsh but i am not going to philosophise and am going to speak of past experience . You will become a victim of your own mentality into a world that has chosen them over something that doesnt want you . You must move forward . Dont underestimate the mind of a child . Every time i have fallen i still to this date have survived . Nasty as it sounds yes you can be involved with a life of homelessness, crime, assult, abuse, rape or worse . If you go back you will reattach to something that no longer wants you . I have survived this long without a helping hand a third of my life now and i am not planning on going anywhere else any time soon . I am a thorn in societies side and will be here as long as i can . So if anyone in goverment or the poverty pimp society is reading this - bite me .

[Slum Jack]

I mean, thowing a kid out on the street who has just $100 and isn't equipped with the life skills they need to have a start in life is pretty much dooming the kid to a life of homelessness, crime, assault, absuse, rape or worse. . . .
I'm not sure either way. I am wondering what others think. Personally I think that parents need to take responsability for that moment of enjoyment having sex, and the concequences that come with that.

"Need to". "Should". Etc.

Then there's just what people actually do.

My folks each forced me outa' their homes and into the streets, rather unprepared.

So I just had no choice but to deal with it. You're right that it "doomed" me to some of the things you mention. But that's only part of the story, because I've also done a LOT else and much better, at many times and in many ways, too.

That's more possible if people aren't also talked into believing they're just doomed.

It ain't about what our parents did or didn't do, once we're out in this world on our own. Then it's just completely up to us, regardless.

[sweetwater]

Believe me there are 2 sides to every coin or story. Take mine I was one of those mothers who believed I owed my kids a living. Some of the things my kids helped put me through was homeless, courts, abuse both verbally and physically, etc but when I needed help they turned there backs and walked away and their 29 and 31. So maybe someone can tell me where mothering ends and letting children learn what life is like alone in the real world? I’m not said this case is right or wrong but what I’m saying is don’t judge until you have all the facts?

[Slum Jack]

Looks to me like key facts WERE included in the posts you responded to. Are you judging those or just trying to dismiss them by talking about something else?

[sweetwater]

If the above comment is addressed to me the is The anwer is "NO" on both accounts. I've seen both parents, children and teens wrongly judged, no-one know what goes on behind closed door?